Today, I was listening to "You Only Live Once" by the Strokes. I'd never really before thought about those few words.

You only live once.

That is possibly one of the most terrifying thoughts I've ever encountered. In my past I've been suicidal. I am so glad I never went through with it. I have way too much to fear in death. I always thought I was not afraid of death. Today, I realized, I am. Well, I'm not so much afraid of death, but I'm afraid of the afterlife, if there is one. I'm not religious, so I don't really believe in any kind of afterlife and even if I were religious, I'd probably still have my doubts, because no one can prove to me exactly what happens after you die. I really wish I knew. I cannot imagine being completely... dead. I can't imagine not having any sense of anything going on, and having no thought or ability to think. And to think that we only live once, which means that once you die, that's it. In a way I sort of believe in reincarnation. I mean, you can't just have an eternal nothingness after you die, right? There has to be some kind of form of past/future lives. Even if that's so, that really sucks. Because my future life won't know about my current life, and my fight with myself about what happens after death will never be resolved. No one can ever tell me, not even me when I die. Unless there is just a normal afterlife where you do whatever the hell you want. If there's a past life, my past lives probably have the same mentality as I and are probably like, "WTF HAPPENED TO ME, I'M DEAD."

Gah. :/ I don't know what would be worse... living forever, or dying.

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